so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
