she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
