You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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