i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
