just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
