A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
