the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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