My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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