I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
