I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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