I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
