This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I want to fling myself into the sun
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize