Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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