I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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