I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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