GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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