Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
