so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
