Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
