Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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