you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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