But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
