6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
You pole danced in your parka.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.