i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
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you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
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It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.