Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.