that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Randomize
