I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
How's your threesome situation going?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.