K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.