My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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