so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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