How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
