why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
