I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You ruined the universe
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
