He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
