Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
