We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize