my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
