True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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