It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
