One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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