I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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