I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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