You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
