I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
