where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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