i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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