So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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