I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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