we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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