I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
