So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
