On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just invented taco cereal.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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