they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
