I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
