Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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