Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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