At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
