just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
