Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
