literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
