I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm like, not good at living.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
