after a month anything with tits is on the radar
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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