I think scott just propositioned me for sex
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
