what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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