I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
