did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
