dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
