You can't special order awesome
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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