Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
