next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
