weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
