haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I puked a lego.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
