If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
