A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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