Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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