I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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