just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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