I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
