I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
