Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Randomize
