I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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